infestation

Everything Bianca

So Many Pies, So Few Fingers

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Writer's Block: Oh no not I
dark star
nysidra
When was the first time that you stood up for yourself? Were your actions justifiable? Looking back, would you have done anything differently?


Honestly, I don't think the first time matters you stand up for yourself matters. (Clearly, since I don't even remember when that was.)

It's all the times you stand up for yourself and don't get knocked flat on your ass. Of those, I have some great highlights.

From those first, forgettable, times, I remember the consequences: the pain, the lengthened torture. I remember the takeaway lesson: Just shut the fuck up.

But once, when I was 13? 14?... I was being yelled at, chastised for something that wasn't even HALFWAY my fault. I couldn't take it. I wasn't about to be blamed and punished for something I was 100% innocent of. I was talking to the flowers I wasn't eavesdropping!

I yelled at her, "You're wrong! And you need to listen to me!"

I remember the two of us being held back from each other like two dogs ready for the territorial struggle. They yelled at her to stop. She yelled at me that I was fucking crazy.

"You can hit me if you want to, but it won't because I've done anything wrong."

I never got in trouble. I wasn't punished. I wasn't 'spanked.' The issue was dropped.

First time. Not the last.

I'll take a lot. I tend to roll over more than I stand firm, but I have do have a limit, a hard limit. When you hit it, believe me: You'll know it.

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Ashe! We are very similar in that limit-crossing. I'll take a lot from someone but then there comes that point where enough is enough ...

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