Everything Bianca

So Many Pies, So Few Fingers

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Eat of this Fruit
I wrote this to Stormy originally, but that was a few months ago now, and in the pep of Sunday morning, I think I can shape this into a coherent sermon. *giggles*

Everyone = Few to many.


Everyone travels to hell after eating the fruit. Hell: that uncompromising bliss, amoral decadence, desire, lust, greed, violence, pride - all the hits. Hell is at once both wonderful and terrifying. It is the mind, the self, cracked wide open.

Everyone travels beyond that portal and their eyes are opened to how damned good evil can be.

We all go there, but not everyone returns the same. Three kinds come back. (The fourth is yet known: dead, mute, or vanished, perhaps.)

1. 'Spiritual Leaders'. These are the names we remember, the prophets. They come back from from the darkness energized with a goal: Keep everyone away. Keep them safe. Seek salvation from the mire of the vast inner self. These people leave hell behind, returning full of fear and steadfast purpose. When they say they have seen the devil, they have seen what lay within and ran screaming.

Reminds me of the Never Ending Story, the Mirror that shows the true self, but it never talks about the others. Oh, and perpetuates the myth that only children are not afraid of their inner selves.

2. The second kind comes back from hell and brings something with them. Things from hell crawl inside, living and thriving. We know this kind as the possessed, the mad, the insane, the deranged. The husk went to hell and returned full of chaos. The second kind tried to fight and loss. They forfeited dominion of the soul. They reject the hell that lived within and could not return untouched. This is what the spiritual leader warned them about.

They call it a summoning gone wrong, a bad trip, a mental break.

Why go on the journey and fight the encounter? Bad travelers. Going to Florida without sunscreen. Going to the mountains without a coat. They support everything the spiritual leader said. It's dangerous. This is terrible. It's everything they said hell would be.

3. There is a third type, spoke of in whispers, feared in groups. This type goes to hell like walking through a museum, open and curious. When hell asks for entry, it does not resist. It is willing, open, meeting the desires like a lover. There is no fight, no resistance. It's not the destiny, but glory of the journey. This type returns full of knowledge, wisdom, and light. There is no rising call to protect humanity, no craving to destroy others. The third type comes back from hell knowing that this is merely a part of life: the universe, the balance, the way things are. Wouldn't it be lovely if everyone could visit their true nature and embrace the multifaceted all-seeing all-knowing being within? To meet the one who is both god and lucifer, both ecstasy and terror? Full congress with demons and the angels.

Trouble is, there is such a high chance of coming back like types 1 or 2 (and that unknown 4th). Haven't they caused enough trouble?

All the third kind will say is: Be careful what powers you traffic in. The way is dangerous and not meant for everyone.

Eat of this fruit and you shall be as gods. Knowing all things.

Knowing your self.


Here I present the problem with spiritual insight: Eventually, you reach the conclusion you ultimately want to reach. The seed of your innermost belief will be verified. You may have never spoken it out loud, but in the dark, it's the kernel of truth that was always there. You find evidence to support the conclusion you always wanted.

If you ultimately believe in the light and purity and hateful marginalization of people who don't believe exactly as you: You'll find that hateful god within.

If you ultimately believe that you are flawed, and broken, and in need of protection? Then you'll find you are weak against your own impulses. You'll let the hateful god direct your life. (*sings* I'm biased and I don't care.)

I ultimately believe that 'evil' is awesome. There is no such thing as sin. That violence and decadence have its place alongside peace and harmony. That all things are valuable and worthy and beautiful and terrifying - inclusively, not exclusively. I am equally thralled by a baby bird, and curious by its dead carcass. (Wait, did I just cross into crazy ranting? Hrm. I'll allow it.)

My experience, in the end, verifies my belief. When I am awash in thoughts of maddening caliber, I embrace it. I roll through. I don't cry to stop the boat. I throw my hands up and go down hill giggling. How you believe tweaks the lens through which you experience the entirety of your life.

Can that be changed? Not sure. I can trace my love of darkness to the age of six. Granted, people worked hard to counter that 'hold of the devil', but eventually, I won. Yay for me. What I share will either prove that dealing with demons leads to rampant heresy or profound enlightenment. Or: "I'm not sure, but let's burn the witch and done with it." *shrugs*

5-star experience. Would totally do it again, in due time.
Recovery periods are not overstated.  ^_^ (Also why I think that old sorcerers / witches are portrayed as haggard, scarred, and under slept. Sleep well, eat well, get a little sunshine. Balance, kids. It's all about balance.)

What I see when I look inside is a horrific wonderland, just as I always believed I would.

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Maybe they become cenobites.

Randomly logged on to lj and am happy to see you are still here. I quite enjoyed reading this post- well done.

An awesome explanation of your love of darkness!

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